angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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