Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize