This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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