i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he wants to bone in the snuggie
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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