Non-Jews are for practice
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
