you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
