i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
