Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
