I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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