my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.