C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING