dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.