i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I checked into jail on foursquare
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.