tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation