forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize