i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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