She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
