2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
