Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize