I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
