By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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