well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
