i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize