So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.