there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm super disappointed in my clit.