definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.