absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My ass is underappreciated
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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