she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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