I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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