WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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