wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool