I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.