When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
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I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.