So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
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just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
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I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment