Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.

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  (760): No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend. http://tfl.nu/k1h1
  Replies (6) Good night (2346) Bad night (782)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.

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  (847): 3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world. http://tfl.nu/xg24
  Replies (21) Good night (3614) Bad night (484)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  ...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..

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  (603): ...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night.. http://tfl.nu/6ino
  Replies (46) Good night (4591) Bad night (842)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler

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  (319): the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler http://tfl.nu/fwfa
  Replies (12) Good night (5766) Bad night (806)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.

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  (703): There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse. http://tfl.nu/1du4
  Replies (27) Good night (3459) Bad night (1105)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.

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  (864): I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel. http://tfl.nu/63se
  Replies (4) Good night (1906) Bad night (745)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts

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  (812): Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts http://tfl.nu/1kvs
  Replies (11) Good night (671) Bad night (1409)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.

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  (512): Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food. http://tfl.nu/gt6w
  Replies (11) Good night (2726) Bad night (488)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass

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  (519): woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass http://tfl.nu/kbek
  Replies (9) Good night (1061) Bad night (489)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour

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  (215): I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour http://tfl.nu/upbq
  Replies (11) Good night (2431) Bad night (488)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  all my money is vodka money

  (1-734): View more from Michigan

  I have never read a truer sentence.

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  (734): all my money is vodka money (1-734): I have never read a truer sentence. http://tfl.nu/947v
  Replies (0) Good night (786) Bad night (256)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.

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  (720): This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you. http://tfl.nu/ixe4
  Replies (1) Good night (1133) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna

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  (513): Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna http://tfl.nu/lbc2
  Replies (4) Good night (714) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.

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  (760): I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL. http://tfl.nu/3gpf
  Replies (3) Good night (310) Bad night (235)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!

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  (603): Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless! http://tfl.nu/bxxj
  Replies (1) Good night (382) Bad night (204)

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