mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that