I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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