Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.