You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.