so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.