By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
