"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
