You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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