It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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