I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
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After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
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He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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