Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.

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(516): so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool. http://tfl.nu/00u1

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!

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(401): This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan! http://tfl.nu/8a5r

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(407): View more from Florida

Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.

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(407): Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit. http://tfl.nu/dysf

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(973): View more from New Jersey

just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.

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(973): just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year. http://tfl.nu/md62

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(612): View more from Minnesota

And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.

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(612): And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer. http://tfl.nu/cz4h

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(616): View more from Michigan

I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.

(616): View more from Michigan

The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...

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(616): I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself. (616): The wine tasting is just for charity anyways... http://tfl.nu/d1ju

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(250): View more from British Columbia

for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.

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(250): for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know. http://tfl.nu/4n1i

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(585): View more from New York

I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.

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(585): I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late. http://tfl.nu/de8d

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(410): View more from Maryland

he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.

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(410): he ate me out like he was chugging a beer. http://tfl.nu/i72l

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.

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(484): I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive. http://tfl.nu/gosk

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.

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(920): I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with. http://tfl.nu/59np

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(708): View more from Illinois

If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later

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(708): If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later http://tfl.nu/o4md

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(310): View more from California

Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls

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(310): Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls http://tfl.nu/xuj7

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(706): View more from Georgia

Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...

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(706): Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something... http://tfl.nu/hryz

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.

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(+44): Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least. http://tfl.nu/hzkn

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