First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
where am i from again
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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