I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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