Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."