I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.