The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
Me, myself and I
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
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You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
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I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.