I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.