if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Girls should come with a carfax report
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
