Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
