I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
