i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
