When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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