i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
