my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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