Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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