Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need to calm my uterus...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize