I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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