I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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