That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize