he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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