ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?