Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
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You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay