My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
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I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.