She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.