Please, let me fuck your mom
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm always down for nudity.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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